Salt in the Wound

"You look really really great."
"Stop talking to me."

Drunken Semi-Confessions

"I cannot believe I just said that to him....it's so embarassing! He might as well just e-mail it to Nikki Finke!"

Sophistication

"I like my wine like my men; dark, heavy, and smoooooth."

While watching Titanic...

"I've never loved anyone (beat) (beat) (beat) except my mom."

While watching SNL...

"I should've been a rapper. Look at how much fun he's having!"

Truth Hurts

While playing the game of Life...

"I'm poor, I don't own a house, I'm uninsured, and I'm in debt up the wazoo. Why the hell did I go to college?"
"This game is too real."

Obstacles

After blabbering a doozy of a ramble...

"I love that that's your train of thought."
"Listen...it made sense."
"Hey, I can't speak in complete sentences so it's lucky for me I have you around to tell me what I'm thinking."
(beat)
"We can't possibly get married...ya know, to other people...if we continue on this way."
"I don't think it's so much can't as will not."

On nearly mowing down a jogger with a vehicle...

"You know what- I did him a favor. He really values his life now."

Free Labor

"He was, he was very nice, and sweet"
"Yeah, I just wish you could've smelled my intern though"

Love Means Compromise

"I need to find someone to see that movie with, and it can't be him."
"Why not? Because you'll fall in looove with him???"
"Yes, fall in love with him, tell him I want to have his babies, and probably even raise them."

My Boys

After watching a video of a hilarious best man speech one of us witnessed at a wedding...

"That's exactly the speech my boys are going to give to each other when they finally find someone who will marry them."
"And by that you mean when some woman ties them to an arch somewhere and forces them to repeat vows at gunpoint?"

Top Chef

"Hellloooo? You can be good at food and the sex!"
"I can't say...I've never slept with you but your food is top notch."

We Support Obama

I love that they put their marriage photo in black and white like they just stumbled out of the slave cabin and threw a wedding!"

Wedding Planning

L1- "I'm just going to have to marry someone incredibly attractive and super photogenic."
(beat)
L2- "I guarantee I will not."

Problems With Being Short

"So I smacked myself in the face with a mug today...."

What Emerson Taught Us

"I'm not just going to be Deeper Throat girl for the rest of the summer...."

Thank you, John Smith

"This dating stuff is great! Whoever invented it should be commended."
"I'm pretty sure it was Pocahontas."

Dating as a sport

"It sounds like I've got a full roster but really, because I'm not that into it, I've got a clean slate."

The past is the past

"I mean I'm not insane!...anymore."

Why we should judge American Idol

"Oh yes! I can hear it! I can hear it in my head!"

Two Kinds of Cake

While listening to a newly perfected playlist...

"I feel like we each just broke up with someone."
"Um...we did...each of us, in fact."
(pregnant pause)
"Well at least we do things together."

Failure

"This slutty thing is not working out so well for either of us. Why won't they go away?!"

On the Theater

"Look at Andrew Lloyd Webber! He's like a little troll 'Oh my! Someone let me out from under my bridge and into the sunlight! How vunderful!'"

What new people bring to our table...

"Why can't people just do things without thinking about having other people's babies?!?!"

Truer words...

"You seem like the kinda girl who needs to be argued with from time to time."

Adventures in Babysitting

Regarding our puppet show:
Young Child: " USE YOUR IMAGINATION! GOSH!
Me: Okay! Okay! Geez...So the mommy says to the daddy...
Young Child: NO! That's not what's going on! Do it like this...

Its official. Contrary to popular belief, children killed my imagination, not adulthood.

You know it's been a long day when...

"What is going on? Are you eating butter?!?! GO TO BED!"

Analyze This

"Yeah, we definitely don't have boyfriends. We're really just crazy."

That's gonna leave a mark

In response to the suggestion that a certain fellow wants to sleep with her...

"Nuh uh! (points suggestively) It's like a bear trap, SNAP!"

Packin Heat

" I'm scared of rifles, I really just want to shoot a hand gun."
"Really? I'd rather do the rifle but maybe that's just because that's what my grandpa keeps by the front door?"

Good Luck Chuck

"God help our future husbands...really, God help them."

A New Crowd

Kanye's "Stronger" trickles through car radio...
"Give me this, a drink, a dimly lit area and I'm set."
"I wish there were clubs where I could just dance and wouldn't have to worry about Sketchy Lurking Guy...!"
"Soo... lesbian bars from now on?"

A little help from my friends

"I am clearly so attention hungry from this relationship turmoil, that any notice any guy pays me has me like a starry-eyed puppy dog. It's pathetic."
"Do you want my brother to call you?"

History

"You know how some people can just make out with anyone? I mean, I know, I've made out with some ugly guys in my life...like all my boyfriends."

As close to lesbianism as this apartment gets

"I love that he's a man! Ya know? I mean, after dating (wo)men so many times in the past few years, I have to say I LOVE being straight again!!!"

Stream of...somethin'

After looking at my roommate on the other side of the couch and seeing her coiled iPod charger on her head...

"I like the headband thing going on right now."
"Actually, I just looked at it and thought, 'This looks like something angels would wear.' And then I put it on."

I love her.

Brilliance

5:30am - Sitting on the couch, blogging about our evening....

"Perchance we should sleep?"
"Blog it."

I'm Doing You a Favor

Excessively nice human being of the male variety approaches the two of us during after hours at cheesy bar full of 80's music that we happen to adore...

"I'm a nice guy you know? I open doors, I open every door...car doors, real doors..."
"Hey! Let me do you favor....best f*-ing advice I'll ever give you. Open doors but don't open every door that is known to man!!"
"Awww, come on, I'm a nice guy, I have to, I can't not open doors..." ::doe eyes and wide smile::
"Sure - first, second date whatever. Open all the goddamn doors you want. But after that let me open my own goddamn door alright. Best f*-ing advice you'll ever get. I just saved your life"

I just saved his life.

We Have Film Degrees

On finding the ending to a movie distinctly disappointing when the guy and girl do not end up together...

"WHAT?! That's it?"
"This movie is obviously foreign!"

Luck.

"I really can't believe this worked out - who would have thought?"
"He was dressed well and seemed very persistent...I mean maybe I need a one-nighter myself!"
"That was your criteria for letting a stranger into my bed?!?!"
"Ohhhhhh god you're right, letsneverdothatagain."

Fire Maker

"Here are the things you need to mention to make him understand why he should be more proactive in his jealousy and romanticism. One, the agent who sexually harassed me. Two, the hot hot A-list Brazilian star who wants to make sweet love to me on my desk. Three...wait...what was the last thing??? Oh yeah, I'm awesome!"

Departed.

-Leo looks so foxy in prison.

-Yeah, I need to get one of those...INMATES!

Freckles

"Hey look at me, I'm only buying SPF 10!"
"That's one giant leap for tankind."

Why We Didn't Get A Dog

"No one likes a dog that when you kick it in the face it comes back to you...
I would never kick a dog in the face though."

All for Mr. Gunn

On what it would be like if we were to go out for Project Runway next season...
"The hoodie is premade, but I did bedazzle it a smidge. Try to overlook the premade aspect."

Science

"Unless you're dating a Southerner who hates everything about Boston! I don't know? Is that a deal breaker?"
"Well when you factor in his level of attractiveness...no...a deal breaker is only relative to the other factors involved...mainly attractiveness."

On Pictures...

"You do look like you have boobs in this one!"
"I know...it's creepy."

On Poles...

"Oh yeah, we also love the pope. Not to be confused with religion as a whole, just the pope...
I forgot about that."

Of Course

"I can't. I just can't join 'The Knot.' I just can't do it."
"You can sign in under my account."
(both explode in laughter)

The Future

"I may be a beer drinking husband, but I'd be an okay mom."

Misery.

Not to keep harping on this, but is this what a happy, satisfied couple looks like? I think not.

Let's try not to choke on all of the proof that this adds to the pudding.

Fast Learner

"I think I'm stress eating."
"With a popsicle?!?!"
"...Um...well...I was thinking of maybe making some cookies just to eat the dough...?"
"Yes! That's the spirit!"

No Nookie

"You say...Nookie! No nookie!"
"I have a feeling he can get it anywhere he wants..."
"Well that is your job to convince him that he's ugly and he can't!!"

The Usual Strategy

(Regarding boy troubles)
"What do I do Lindsay??"
"Well....I think we should just go with the usual strategy...
(Starts writhing and groaning)
'Ughhhhh, gaahhhh I'm dying, must come help me!'"

Our greatest dream...

While watching the Academy Awards...

"Does James McAvoy's wife have a black eye?!?!"
"Maybe it's a loveless marriage filled with hate and violence!"
"TO JAMES MCAVOY BEING MISERABLE!"

Later that night...
"His wife looks old!"
"Yeah! Decrepit. It was probably a pity marriage."

Does it Matter?

While overhearing an adorable YouTube video of a kid singing The Beatles...

-That is so adorable!
-I know! It's this little Asian boy with a guitar...or maybe a girl?

Eat your heart out, Tony Curtis!

Via the ever-present #107 conference text...

-I am so good at winning!
-You are Spartacus.
-When's the wedding?

Babies or Coffee?

"I think I just want to be pregnant so I have an excuse to be fat. (sniffs the creamer) Yeck! This is wrong! You are wrong, label! I trusted you! You're supposed to still be fine!"
"Um, I mean, if we can't even handle coffee accoutrements we should probably rethink the whole being responsible for another life thing. Let's talk to Dr. Drew about it."

Atonement.

"I like how it takes all three of us to form one semi-smooth operator."

"I've just got to say- drunk+James McAvoy= GREAT DREAMS."

Later that night...

-He's married.

-WHO?!

-James McAvoy.

-NO.

-Yeah. For a year now.

-Ugh, how old is he?

-Twenty-eight? Maybe twenty-nine.

-Aw, what a good age to have been married for a year.

-You know what? I'm sure he's miserable.

-Yeah, you're probably right.

-TO JAMES McAVOY BEING MISERABLE!

Valentine's Day

"If girls' night is still on I might join you."
"Oh yeah, no plans with the boy?"
"Nope. He's radioactive."
No, really. He is.
:)


Later that night, via text...
"Hey lady, what are you up to?"
"I'm drunk-watching Becoming Jane. Hehe."
"Oh honey! I'll be home in just a bit."
"No worriesss...."

New Headshots

"Hey, (insert actor friend's name here) has new headshots."
"Lemme see."
"Good, right?"
"Wait...that's him?"
"Uh, yeah. Same guy you see all the time."
"Really? It doesn't look like him."
"Oh...well that's him. That's what he looks like...."
"Okay. Huh. Well,to be fair I've only seen him when we're out, in dim lighting."
"Not as good or better in full light?"
"Yeah...not as good. Well I guess no lights on in the bedroom for us!"

We Love Old Men

"You know how much you love Dr. Drew and John Edwards?? That's how much I love Striker."
"Combined? Is that even possible??"

A Thought?

" I think we should embark on a slutty phase."
"Fantastic, how do we do that?"

Later that night...
"That's how I'll do it! I'll just get boys to cry in front of me and then I'll be like 'Don't worry I'll sleep with you, does that make you feel better?"

Here we go...

After much deliberation, we've decided we have the about the most hilarious apartment in the world.

It's not that we, the inhabitants, are comics all the time. We're just pretty sure the average person does not manage to get themselves into some of the situations, with some of the reactions that we (and our visitors) do.

So enjoy, and maybe come visit.