Thank you, John Smith

"This dating stuff is great! Whoever invented it should be commended."
"I'm pretty sure it was Pocahontas."

Dating as a sport

"It sounds like I've got a full roster but really, because I'm not that into it, I've got a clean slate."

The past is the past

"I mean I'm not insane!...anymore."

Why we should judge American Idol

"Oh yes! I can hear it! I can hear it in my head!"

Two Kinds of Cake

While listening to a newly perfected playlist...

"I feel like we each just broke up with someone."
"Um...we did...each of us, in fact."
(pregnant pause)
"Well at least we do things together."

Failure

"This slutty thing is not working out so well for either of us. Why won't they go away?!"