Produce As A Weapon

"Geminis are intense. Mr. Stalk Me With a Fruit Basket is a Gemini."

A legitimate question

"IS EVERY BOY ON EARTH DRUNK?"

Certainty

"What do you think about him? Do you like him?"
"I mean...I think so."
"Well...what do you mean you think so?"
"I mean, like, I don't know if he likes me so I can't possibly like him."
"Oh...I forgot this is how it works with you."

Big Plans

"What are you doing for Valentine's Day?"
"I have plans with my gay boyfriend."
"Oh yeah, and I have plans with my gay girlfriend."
"...who?"
"(friend)!!!! She's my Valentine, you bitch!"
"But she's not gay!"
"Yeah, but it is when we're together!"

3:00 AM

"What should I text him back??"
"Well....I wouldn't go with 'I'm sitting in a Wendy's parking lot waiting to see what you're doing.'"
"But that's what I am doing!"

Why We Need Girlfriends

"I would be with a one legged man if I just trusted myself!"

The things we'll do to be thin

"Ew! I think I just ate fish food...that is definitely not on my diet."

My Kind of Man

"You're only sort of attractive....which means I'm really attracted to you."

That Bitch

"She wears graphic tees and glitter on her eyes!"
(gasps) "NO!"
"Yes! Glitter in colors not found in nature."