Safe Sex

"He told me I looked really nice today. One compliment and I'm clearly engaged. I'm so so emotionally slutty. I'm going to contract herpes of the heart."

Youthful delusions

"I certainly hope wisdom is just like wrinkles and guaranteed with age, because otherwise I'm shit out of luck."

re: Bradley Cooper

"I LOVE him. Why don't I set you up with him?"
"What?! No! You love him."
"Yeah, but you know you need a lumberjack of a man like that. I wouldn't know what to do with him. I'd just be like, 'Can you lie in my bed next to me and help me understand you?'"

The best garage sale ever

(after finding out that the prop house that did TITANIC is having a going-out-of-business auction)
"We are so going to this. We can stock our apartments."
"OMG YES I WANT TO LIVE IN STEERAGE"

The emotional ramifications of UP

(walking out of the movie theaters, still holding back tears)
"Is that Kris Allen that I hear?"
"Yes, I believe it is."
"UGH! I'm just going to lie down here on the sidewalk and cry until somebody marries me!"