Fire Maker

"Here are the things you need to mention to make him understand why he should be more proactive in his jealousy and romanticism. One, the agent who sexually harassed me. Two, the hot hot A-list Brazilian star who wants to make sweet love to me on my desk. Three...wait...what was the last thing??? Oh yeah, I'm awesome!"

Departed.

-Leo looks so foxy in prison.

-Yeah, I need to get one of those...INMATES!

Freckles

"Hey look at me, I'm only buying SPF 10!"
"That's one giant leap for tankind."

Why We Didn't Get A Dog

"No one likes a dog that when you kick it in the face it comes back to you...
I would never kick a dog in the face though."

All for Mr. Gunn

On what it would be like if we were to go out for Project Runway next season...
"The hoodie is premade, but I did bedazzle it a smidge. Try to overlook the premade aspect."

Science

"Unless you're dating a Southerner who hates everything about Boston! I don't know? Is that a deal breaker?"
"Well when you factor in his level of attractiveness...no...a deal breaker is only relative to the other factors involved...mainly attractiveness."

On Pictures...

"You do look like you have boobs in this one!"
"I know...it's creepy."

On Poles...

"Oh yeah, we also love the pope. Not to be confused with religion as a whole, just the pope...
I forgot about that."

Of Course

"I can't. I just can't join 'The Knot.' I just can't do it."
"You can sign in under my account."
(both explode in laughter)

The Future

"I may be a beer drinking husband, but I'd be an okay mom."